Making every child feel seen, valued and loved

If you have ever walked through the halls of Richmond County Elementary-Middle School with Mary Sydnor, you already know she does not simply pass students in the hallway.

She sees them.

She calls them by name. She asks where they are supposed to be. She reminds them to make good choices, get their work done, and stay out of trouble. She may give them one of her famous looks (the one that lets them know she means business), but she is just as quick to tell them she loves them.

And she does.

For nearly 25 years, Ms. Sydnor has referred to the students at Richmond County Elementary-Middle School as “my kids.” The words are not merely an affectionate nickname. She has cared for them, worried about them, encouraged them, fed them, driven them home, taken them to church, and stayed connected with many of them long after they left her hallways.

“I hope they feel love and trust,” she said. “Those kids need to hear that they are loved.”

That ability to make children feel seen, valued, and safe is one reason former students continue to return to the school looking for her. Others stop by Ace Hardware, where Mary works part time, just to see her.

Rooted in family and faith

Mary was born in Tappahannock and moved to the Sharps area when she was 3 years old. She and her younger sister, Alice, grew up in a close-knit home where family, faith, and hard work shaped their lives.

Their father worked for B.G. Smith and Sons and also spent part of each year working as a fisherman in Louisiana. He would leave in April and return in October, often arriving home on Mary’s birthday.

Their mother stayed home with the girls, keeping a large garden and preparing nearly everything the family ate from scratch.

“There was never a day we didn’t have a hot meal on the table,” Mary recalled. “My mom cooked every day. We had homemade bread every day. She canned and put everything in the freezer.”

Faith was just as much a part of her childhood. Mary’s Sunday school teacher, affectionately known as Big Mama, would pack as many children as she could into her car and take them to church.

Big Mama’s favorite Scripture was Psalm 23, and she made sure Mary learned it.

As a child, Ms. Sydnor did not fully understand why the passage meant so much to her teacher. Big Mama told her that she would understand more as she grew older.

She was right.

Today, Psalm 23 remains Sydnor’s favorite passage. Each morning, she sits in the school parking lot for a few quiet moments. Then, as she walks toward the building, she recites the familiar words to herself…unless one of her kids stops her first.

It is her way of preparing her heart for whatever the day may bring.

Finding her place in the school

After graduating from Rappahannock High School in 1985, Mary took classes at Rappahannock Community College before working as a department store manager at Thalhimers in Richmond. Although she commuted each day, she never considered moving away.

“I was a mama’s baby,” she said with a laugh. “I wasn’t leaving my mama.”

She eventually returned to work closer to home at Levi Strauss. During those years, Mary became a mother to her son, Dwayne, followed six years later by her daughter, Miya.  Today, she is also the proud grandmother of three granddaughters, who keep her smiling and remind her that some of life's sweetest seasons are still unfolding.

The day after Dwayne was born, Mary learned that her mother had colon cancer. She moved back into her parents’ home and helped care for both of them while raising a newborn and continuing to work.

She credits God with giving her strength during a season she could never have handled on her own.

After Levi Strauss closed, Mary began substitute teaching. When a full-time paraprofessional position became available, she accepted it.  She earned her paraprofessional certification and found the work she was meant to do. Although she has served wherever she was needed, Mary has spent much of her time in the middle school and is currently assigned to sixth grade.

“Get it in gear, focus, and pass this test”

Ms. Sydnor's love has never meant lowering expectations.

Her students know she believes in them, but they also know she expects their best. One student, who had struggled to pass the Standards of Learning tests, knew her encouragement by heart.

When his mother requested that Ms. Sydnor proctor his next SOL exam, there was one problem: it was scheduled just before her knee replacement surgery.

So she postponed the surgery.

Before the test, the student grinned and asked, "Ms. Sydnor, are you going to tell me what you told me before the last SOL?"

When she asked him what that was, he answered without missing a beat.

"Get it in gear, focus, and pass this test."

Ms. Sydnor smiled. "You better get it in gear. You better focus, take your time, and pass this test."

He did—and after he passed, Ms. Sydnor finally had her long-awaited knee replacement.

A mother to many

Sydnor describes herself as a mother figure, and her students would likely agree.

She is direct. Her facial expressions alone can stop questionable behavior in its tracks. Students have compared her to Madea, a comparison she initially found less than flattering until her daughter explained that it was probably not only her appearance but also “some of the things you say.”

Sydnor laughed at the memory.

Her children, Dwayne and Miya, joke that students probably obey her because they know she means what she says. Yet her authority has always been rooted in relationships.

She believes students respond because they know her correction comes with genuine care.

Ms. Sydnor has taken children into her home for afternoons, weekends and church activities. She has transported families who needed a ride and remained in contact with former students well into adulthood. Some still call her, celebrate birthdays with her, or visit her at work.

She sets clear boundaries (for example, students must graduate before becoming her Facebook friends) but once they do, many continue to seek her encouragement.

“If you need me, let me know,” she said. “I will try my best to do for you. If I can’t, I will find somebody who will.”

The Mayor of Ace Hardware

Sydnor began working at Ace Hardware three years ago for a practical reason: She wanted extra money for a trip to Mexico.

After returning from the trip, she planned to quit.

Her coworkers would not hear of it.

Sydnor stayed, discovering that she loved the customers and the opportunity to remain connected to her community. Within her first few months, she was named Employee of the Month. Customers also began sending emails praising the service and kindness they received from her.

One manager told her she could “sell ice to an Eskimo.”

Her coworkers call her The Mayor because she seems to know everyone, but Sydnor’s influence is not about popularity. It is about the way she treats people.  Even customers she has just met have invited her to join them for dinner. Mary, never one to turn down a good meal or a new friendship, happily accepts.

She plans to continue working at Ace after retiring from the school system at the end of the coming school year.

Becoming a world changer

Along the way, Sydnor found an extraordinary friendship with Melvin, a fellow church member she describes simply as her best friend. For 15 years, they worshiped together, served together, and were rarely seen apart. Though both had been married before, they built a friendship rooted in faith, laughter, and unwavering support. Melvin helped her raise her children, celebrated life's milestones alongside her and, as she puts it, "did everything for me."

When he died unexpectedly in 2021 of a massive heart attack after battling prostate cancer, Mary lost the person who had faithfully walked beside her through so much of life. Even now, she speaks of him with deep gratitude and affection.

Ms. Sydnor is a member of Community Christian Church, where she serves with the hospitality ministry. She also sits on the board of directors for Operation Inasmuch and hopes to devote more time to volunteering after retirement.

Her greatest desire is to continue helping children, not for recognition or a paycheck, but simply because she believes someone must care enough to show up.

“We need to be world changers, and it starts with us,” she said. “You can’t just sit there and say, ‘I wish the world would change.’ You have to start with yourself and change it in a positive way.”

For nearly 25 years, Sydnor has done exactly that.  One child, one conversation, one stern look, and one “I love you” at a time.

This story is especially personal for the Patton family. All three of their boys loved Ms. Sydnor, and she made their days at school brighter and a lot more fun. They can still remember pulling up to the school when one of their sons did not want to get out of the van. Ms. Sydnor would be there, and somehow they knew that once he reached her, he would be okay.  She would turn his day around.

She occasionally slipped their boys french fries, hamburgers, sodas, and Slurpees that they probably knew better than to ask their parents for. She worried the boys’ parents might find out, while the boys assured her, “I’ll never tell.”

Years later during this interview, she can still recall those stories—and still calls them “her kids.”

That is Mary Sydnor’s gift. Children know when an adult is merely responsible for them, and they know when someone truly delights in them.

Mary Sydnor has spent a quarter of a century making children feel known, protected, valued, and loved.

And that is exactly how a person begins to change the world.